There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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