dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
