I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
