im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
