I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
