I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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