You're my little dorito
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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