My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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