dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
