I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
