Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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