she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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