I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think my fart just growled at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
