Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize