margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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