Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
