9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They have beer where we have blood.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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