I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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