Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
