I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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