Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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