I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am midnight drunk by noon
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
