trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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