Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
