I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
