you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
