my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
