Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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