OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
