Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
