You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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