Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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