I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
