If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
