just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
