Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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