yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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