I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
operation have a gay friend backfired
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
