Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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