In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
