OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
