We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
