fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
