I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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