I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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