forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
