just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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