Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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