I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
