Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
