And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
