New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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