Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
