Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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