dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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