I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
