I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we're chasing vodka with high fives
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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