I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
