Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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