And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
