So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
