just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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