Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
