so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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