and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Come see our sink grown plant.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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