She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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