You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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