Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
