Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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